The World Confuses Me. And Matt Wants a Smartphone So Bad He’s Gone Completely Mad. Also, We Went To See Lovestorming And I Liked It.

This is just a general musings blog. I was babbling to Matt on the way back from the gym and I could tell his eyes were glossy and his mind had slipped back into a world where his cell phone provider acknowledged the crime against humanity regarding his contract and the fancy phone of his dreams so unfairly denied to him by recent twists of fate... and I decided to tell the internet about it instead. Check twitter or ask Matt if you want an update on the cell saga.
I’ve been watching the ladies at the gym and I’m concerned for us, my fairer gender compatriots. The girls and I are there to work out right? Some of us to burn a few calories and work the muscles that exist for survival, that don’t get used while shaking separatory funnels and writing papers on laptops, and other women are clearly there to engage in sport they take very seriously (go wrestling team, you ladies are looking lean and mean!). So... why so much time in front of the mirror on the way out of our change room? You look fantastic! You’re fit, you’re clean, you brushed your hair and put on a bit of make-up, you remembered pants... why primp?
Lots of these women must be on their way to class, and I guess times have changed. Didn’t we used to roll out of bed and stumble to our undergraduate classes in our pyjamas? That might have just been my friends and I. Living on campus makes you pretty lazy. They can’t all be business students or engineers with interviews. Curling irons and massive collections of cosmetics at 8 am, just to sit in lecture all day? I’m feeling exhausted just thinking about it.
Granted, I might show up on “What Not To Wear” someday, because apparently I’m too old to shop in the boys section at Walmart. But my friends support my silly t-shirts and comfy jeans and I’m probably just going to spill solvent on myself anyways. Hypocritically, I also occasionally fritter away useful minutes in front of the mirror, and get down about my chubby bum and lack of cute purses. But I want all the ladies to high five each other and relax. We look great. We need to be less judgmental and more supportive of our community of empowered, successful women.
Just to let my friends know, you are all gorgeous, beautiful ladies and I’m very proud of all that you’ve accomplished. The big things, like school and the careers and the houses, and the little things, like the recipes that were attempted and the books we’ve traded. Also, not to leave the guys out, I’m proud of you too. For growing up and maintaining your sense of self and adventure. Now I’m off to build a dinosaur out of lab boxes with Matt, Carmen, and our visiting scientist from Germany.
*UPDATE* The T. rex construction has failed. It turns out that the tip boxes Carmen goes through in boat loads are made of polypropylene. Interesting fact, that plastic is resistant to most solvents (we tried chloroform, dichloromethane, toluene, ether...). So we couldn’t easily melt the boxes together to build our giant dino. Also, you can melt them with a Bunsen burner, but it gets messy and I think the fumes have taken a few hours off of Matt’s total life span. We went for sushi instead. NOM!!
We also had time to see Lovestorming, a Spanish movie directed by Borja Cobeaga. It’s great, a fun, little romp with a wacky comedian trying to help a dejected friend get his girlfriend back. Canadians will appreciate the premise of the film, where a New Years Eve storm grounds all the flights at an airport and the characters are all stuck together in a hotel for the night. This includes Sergio, our adorable and timid hero, and his ex-girlfriend Bea. Sergio runs into an eclectic bunch of guys determined to rescue his relationship with Bea, by throwing a party (and distracting her new man, who’s suddenly no longer gay, Ernesto). Juan Carlitros is the awkward and hilarious funny man who bungles most of the evening, and predictably, saves the day with his earnest and heartfelt charm. You’ve heard this story before, but Lovestorming is a wonderful way to spend an evening with friends. Stick around for the jokes during the credits. Awesome.

DEDfest – You Had Me at Hell. Oh, and Anything With Simon Pegg.

By Roz Young

Well, this year has just flown by, hasn’t it? Flown by and crapped all over the place. It seems like just a few weeks ago that I was writing about our local horror movie festival, and here I am again, beguiling you with tales of blood, brains and boobs. Our local cinema aficionados, Kevin Martin (shameless plug The Lobby DVD Shop on Whyte) and Derek Clayton, pulled in some good stuff this year. It was not to be missed, despite the terrible turn of events that resulted in me losing Saturday to a hilariously good time on waterslides and a boozy BBQ with the ladies. That’s the kind of bachelorette party I can get behind.
But enough about the impending nuptials, what about the thrills and chills of DEDfest 2011? Well, Thursday began with Trollhunter. And it was awesome!! From the moment the hero runs out of the woods and yells “TROOOLLLL!!!” into the faces of some unsuspecting, sexy teens and their documentary crew, I was sold. You should see this movie. It’s like going to Norway and checking out the scenic sights, and finding out that there is a government conspiracy trying to cover up the existence of some dangerous and mythical wildlife.
We also watched Simon Pegg and Andy Serkis slaughter some villagers for profit in Burke and Hare. Directed by John Landis, it’s a great comedic horror movie with a different angle - some of these events are actually true! Which is part of the fun, learning about 1820s London and the high demand for cadavers for public dissection. After you’ve watched this movie, spend a little time on Wikipedia learning about the actual Burke and Hare, who killed whole bunch of people before being busted by the fuzz. (Matt and I watched Paul again this weekend, and I just cannot explain how much I love those guys… Nick and Simon are our heroes *sniff*)

Friday, arguably our least favourite day of DEDfest, began with Monster Brawl. The idea is UFC with classic horror villains. Frankenstein, a werewolf, a vampire, the mummy and zombies are all duking it out for the Monster title belt. Awesome in concept, but in execution, the movie got a bit old and repetitive. I think with commercials in between it might have broken up the versus action a bit. Good cast. If you like fake wrestling or UFC at all, and I know you like monsters, then check it out. Otherwise, you might just fall asleep. Like Matt.
Next we watched Chromeskull: Laid to Rest and I’m not sure what to say about this movie. First of all, it’s a sequel, but you don’t really need to see the first one to be able to follow the umm, plot. Sure, that’s what we’ll call it. Kind of slow, there are stupid cops all over this movie, a device which is really starting to piss us off. Matt and I are going to make a movie where the police are badass and clever. Good gore, this is the kind of movie I watch from the internet while I’m eating pizza and hanging out with the boys. Not enough boobs though.
Our Friday night throw back for nostalgic shits and giggles was Escape From New York. Awesome. However, late on a Friday, even young, sexy Kurt isn’t enough to keep me awake through a whole movie and I’m ashamed to say I nodded off. Maybe I’m getting too old for this. Challenge accepted! And challenge failed, because we just had a Mel Brooks movie marathon with Allan and I feel asleep half way through Spaceballs, the third movie, and I think I watched ten minutes of Blazing Saddles. What is happening to me!?! I need to start napping during the day.
Ok, Saturday, the day of amazingness that I didn’t make it out for. I got texts from the boys telling me that nothing the waterpark had to offer could possibly be more awesome thanSuper. Fair enough. As such, I recommend that other people cancel their plans, no matter what they are doing, and see this film. I have it on good authority that Super is THAT mind blowingly fantastic. The gentlemen demonstrated for me how much the back of their skulls exploded bits of gooey grey matter and bone debris, and I have to say I’m impressed. Matt has purchased the movie and as soon as it arrives, I’m supposed to sit my ass down and experience the awesome. Will do, boss.

They also watched Karate Robo Zaborgar, which was supposed to be Yakuza Weapon. I guess if those titles appeal to you, check it out. I haven’t seen either movie and the boys didn’t jump up and down to tell me about Karate, so… I’m assuming it’s only ok. They did get excited about Millennium Bug, which I also have to watch. Exciting trivia, one of the actors fromMillennium Bug was up from L.A. for DEDfest and Matt bought a shirt and copy of the movie. Yay! Those guys are all about creature and gore effects using make-up and actual fake blood, instead of doing everything digitally. High five! Filmmakers after our own hearts.
The next movie, Chillerama, was highly praised by the boys. Now, from the discussions that started from this movie, I gather that it’s a bit dirty. So, you have been warned. It’s apparently hilarious. Enjoy. They also watched the originalFright Night, which I’d love to see. Alas, next time.
Sunday began with Deadball and then Bangkok Knockout. Both were a lot of fun and I recommend Deadball for people who like crazy, strange and funny Japanese stuff, and Knockout for people who want an action movie that will blow their minds. It’s seriously crazy shit. With a story! I saw stunts that I’ve never seen before and they were incredible. With motorcycles! In cages! Beneath moving vehicles! Just awesome.
Our horror movie for Sunday was Saint (or Sint), another experience of immersion in a northern European culture where there are storied and legends I don’t know much about. Sure, I know who Santa Claus is, but I’m just not familiar with the myths, sort of like my apparently poor knowledge of troll lore. Anyhoo, every 30 or something odd years (the subtitle translator wasn’t quite sure and the dates kept changing), Santa returns on a cold December night to collect children and slaughters people all over Amsterdam. It was pretty good. Santa can be a scary dude, all burned and gross. I like the scene with the kids in the hospital, where they are all excited it’s Santa coming to give them presents… and then, well, he shows up on an undead horse to steal them away to his scorched and evil ship. Merry Christmas kiddies!

The Woman was this year’s controversial film, the movie that shocked audiences around the world. And, meh. We’ve discussed this before, but either Matt and I have become desensitized to crazy violence and weirdness, or some films are just not as disturbing as reviews make them out to be. Certainly, The Woman is a strange movie with grotesque family dynamics and torture, rape, abuse… But I didn’t want to storm out or vomit. I think the idea of domesticating a person, and the acknowledgement of family violence and abuse against women, was cleverly explored. It had a humorous side, and was a slick looking movie. Our group had lots to talk about after The Woman, and even though it is largely about abuse and violence against women, I liked the ending. I won’t say any spoilers, but I think you can handle it. If you’re curious, check it out, because it’s not going to leave you wishing you hadn’t bought popcorn (likeHuman Centipede or Neighbor) or sliding down into your seat in awkward discomfort (Anti-Christ).
In other news, OUR trailer played during DEDfest and it was amazing. AMAZING!! I’ve never had the chance to see my own creation in a venue with a real audience before. Usually we post things online and wait impatiently for people to leave comments or send us emails. This time, we were in the room while people laughed and cheered for us. I’m so proud, Matt, so proud. Thanks to our friends, who participated or supported us, and everyone who has left comments in the facebook group or been to check it out on youtube. You guys are the best!