For my fellow lady types

By Roz Young, December 18 2011

It’s a pretty good time to have a vagina. Things aren’t perfectly balanced between the sexes, and I’m not sure if they’ll ever be, but I think we’re a generation that can embrace our femininity while becoming accomplished, professional ladies. There’s no reason that we can’t enjoy indulging our girly sides AND expect to be taken seriously as confident, respectable women. You just have to own it.

When I was in high school, I spent a long time trying to convince a woman several years my senior that my love for Sailor Moon did not make me a disgrace to my gender. In her opinion, the show portrayed women as vacuous boobs and the girls were terrible role models for young ladies. I politely had to agree to disagree. That probably meant I gave her a typical teenage sneer and what I’m sure was an acidic and clever “Nu uh”! I was at the height of my eloquence and grace.

Part of the appeal for me is the way the girls of Sailor Moon are flaky teens. Well, Sailor Moon is. That’s kind of the point. She has to grow up and learn to be less selfish in order to take her place as a leader and hero. We don’t start out awesome. We push ourselves and it’s hard. See, it’s deep. And then she gets her into her ridiculously cute mini skirt and inappropriately low cut leotard to defeat the evil space queen and other assorted villainous types. Yeah, my argument kind of falls apart here, but I stand by how much I love it. Girls like things that are pretty. I’m ok with that.

If you want to discuss or flame me with your thoughts on Sailor Moon, I welcome the messages. Of course, if you haven’t seen the episodes or movies in the original Japanese, or read any of the comics, I doubt I can take you too seriously. Sailor Moon has layers people, and lots of them don’t translate too well into a heavily edited and poorly dubbed YTV show for kiddies. I’m also not alone, so if I don’t agree with you, I might just get a few girlfriends together, suit up into some schoolgirl threads, and kick your ass.

Now that I’m older and with some edumacation under my belt, the gender issue comes up more for career women in the baby making years. Myself, I’m not that interested in babies. I’m guessing I have a defective brain fold somewhere in the “nurture and mother” things lobe. It’s probably been scrapped to make extra room for zombie lore. But I think that women who choose their career over reproducing, or women who decide to be full-time mommies, and all the ladies who manage some degree of both, should be proud of whatever they accomplish if they have given it their best. We need to support each other, rather than be judgemental and critical. Do what makes you happy and everyone else can deal with it.

Ok, so the gender issue is out there. Women are still paid less for the same work and in academia, it’s tough. Dr. Laura Frost, a professor emeritus from the University of Alberta, has been giving lectures on this topic and gave an entire course in Austria on gender in education and professional life. It turns out, even women will select a male candidate with the same qualifications over a female applying for the same job. If you want to see an example of her course syllabus from a lecture in Calgary, check out this link. There are selected readings at the end if you’re curious.
www.ucalgary.ca/wao/files/wao/Careers%20in%20science_UofC_October-2011.pdf
Now that we’re all friends, I want women everywhere to know that it’s ok to be a girl. I don’t think you are failing the great feminists of the past, women who fought so we could attend school and be able to vote, if you look deep inside yourself and can’t escape a few gender stereotypes. If you like to knit and bake and wear pink, that’s awesome! And if you also like to kick box and shoot things, more power to you. I’m talking to you Erin, go ahead and enjoy your Wonder Woman baking gadgets. You define what it is to be a woman and you don’t need to justify yourself to anyone. Plus, Wonder Woman is cool.

But WHY?!

By Roz Young, December 5 2011
I can appreciate that as scientists, we can be kind of annoying. And honestly, environmental microbiologists are the worst. We talk about fascinating sewage anaerobes at dinner parties. We argue about the percentage of ethanol in our hand sanitizers while camping. We never let people use the five second rule without comment. We use the periodic table of the elements to make jokes. We talk a lot about cycles without ever really getting anywhere. And we are not just annoying to normal people. We are even annoying to other scientists. Today at coffee break, we decided it’s because we’re like the children of science, who don’t stop asking, “But, why?”...

Evidence. You don’t start out a microbiologist. You start out interested in science (nerd), and then biology, and then wonder why something gets sick, or how things break down, from corpses to oil. And as you keep asking, things get smaller, until you study bacteria instead of polar bears. But then you care about why the bacterium interacts with metals, how does it do that, and why the heck would it do what you find it does in the lab, out there in the real world? That’s the part that’s really interesting, why do bacteria do it at all? And that’s why geneticists find us annoying. Sure, they have the genes for all sorts of stuff. But, why? This is also why ecologists find us annoying. Sure, bacteria modify chemicals in the environment and make them less, or sometimes more, toxic. But, why? Engineers probably hate us the most. Bacteria cause all sorts of problems for industry. They make hydrogen sulphide, which is lethal at high concentration, and can grow all over stuff and foul it up. Engineers are looking for solutions to make cleaner drinking water and how to sterilize hospital equipment and food products. Sure, they like having us around to explain what happened, but they don’t care why. We care. So much so that we are super annoying about it. That sort of explains why I’m annoying about The Avengers movie too. Oh Captain America... but WHY??

My Secret Geek Shame

By Matt Baker, December 5 2011

I’ve never played Zelda.  There, I said it.  I know, it’s hard to believe. Not even one.  Yeah, that includes Ocarina of Time.  I have never held a controller from any gaming system and used it to move Link around or stab a ghost or whatever the heck it is you do in Zelda.  No, I don’t really know why, I just never have.  I didn’t even know Zelda is the princess until I was in University.  Dude, get off my back.  They just looked boring, alright?!  I remember watching my cousin play The Legend of Zelda on his NES and it just didn’t look that great.  I mean really, does this look fun?


Well it didn’t to me, so shut up.  And then, after my NES, I didn’t get another console until my PS2.  By the time I got an N64 it was used and they weren’t making games for it any more so I wasn’t exposed to the hype of Ocarina of Time (and playing N64 at my friends’ houses in high school was always Goldeneye or drinking and crashing in Rush 2, not a single player game like Zelda).  I was too busy playing games on my computer to worry about sequels to some lame looking game my cousin used to play.  Granted, I’ve just checked some screen shots and OoT looks pretty sweet.


Perhaps I’ll try the 3D version when I get around to buying a 3DS.  Or maybe I’ll just pick it up for my N64 now.  Who knows?  I could also borrow Twilight Princess from Roz (who hasn’t spoken to me since the coffee break when all of this was revealed this morning – apparently I’m not the man she thought I was) and then I could try out some Wii Zelda action.  On that note, I could even go out and get Skyward Sword.  But I think I should start a little earlier, familiarize myself with the basics a bit.  Carmen (a tech in our lab) tells me I should start right at the beginning and work my way through all of them, but I think that is a little excessive.  Anyway, now I’ve revealed the biggest, geekiest shame I have.  What’s your secret geek shame?

How do you justify your entertainment budget?

By Matt Baker

It sucks, but we all have to do it.  You get the opportunity to do two fun things but you can only afford one.  How do you choose?  In a perfect world I would see every new movie that interested me in the theatre, buy all the cool video games on multiple systems, have the full HD cable TV package and go for dinner with friends whenever I want, in between adventures around the world.  Unfortunately I can only afford about 1/1000th of that.  This results in a lot of time spent trying to gauge what will give me the best bang for my entertainment buck (yeah, yeah... prostitutes... giggle, giggle, haha).  But seriously, this is something that we all probably do, although it is most likely unconscious and therefore likely inconsistent.  I don’t like inconsistency.  I like my world to be logical and rational, enabling me to justify my actions with ease.  So I have decided to develop a system through which I can decide whether or not a given entertainment is worth my money.

First, you should decide what your favourite form of entertainment is; i.e. what do you have no problem spending money on.  For me, this is movies.  I love going out to the theatre to see a movie on the big screen.  As long as I don’t get bored during a movie, I consider it a pretty good night out.  So this will be my baseline for entertainment value.  Over the course of 2010 I kept a list of every movie I watched, along with some stats for each, so I know that on average the movies I watch are ~1.7 hours long.  Assuming a ticket price of $13, I am spending ~$7.65/hr of entertainment.  Using this, I can create a graph that will allow me to judge the relative value of any planned entertainment.

Anything that falls below this line is good value and anything that falls above it needs some serious consideration before I spend my hard earned cash.  The graph can also be used to determine how much time you would need to use something (e.g. a video game) before it became “worth it”.  A brand new video game costs about $60 so as long as I get 9 hours of play out of it, it is probably a good use of my money.  Let’s see how this graph holds up with some known quantities.

What we see here is no surprise, really: things like concerts are not really that good value, especially for more famous bands.  At this point you really need to use kind of a mental fudge factor that takes in to account things like enjoyment level (Radiohead live is pretty mind-blowingly awesome) and rarity of event (I don’t go to many big concerts and Radiohead tours infrequently).  So even though it does not appear to be a good value on my graph, I would fork over the cash for a Radiohead concert without hesitation.  Unfortunately we don’t usually know how much we are going to enjoy something until after the fact, so that restricts our mental fudge factor.

I suppose if I wanted to get really fancy with this I could assign some sort of Predicted Enjoyment variable to each option, which could be combined with a calculation of the distance from the baseline on the above graph to create an ordination plot that would better represent the true value of the entertainment.  Alas, I am not proficient enough in stats to do that, but it might look something like this:

What?

By Roz Young, October 20 2011

            This blog was going to be titled “What I’ve Been Up To”, but I just left it the way you’ll actually feel when you finish reading this.
I’ve been playing Portal. It’s awesome. Matt too. Is playing Portal I mean. Oh, he’s also awesome. It’s too early to drink this much coffee. We’re on to Portal 2.

            We’ve also decided that we name pets now. Well, rename them. They start out with boring, lame names and we give them spectacular ones, with titles. For example, we ran into an adorable golden retriever, who might have actually been named Hailey, and we decided to call her Sergeant Perkins. Much better. You’re welcome people who can’t name their pets properly. There was also a crazy tiny puppy we called Admiral Tinkles. We work with a Carmen, and her giant Pomeranian is now called Commander Pufflebun.
Do you have a cat that looks like Chemistry Cat? His name is now Flufferton vonFuzzybuttons.
How about Business Cat, or rather Mr. Benjamin Wiggles-Jones, Esquire?
            In more exciting news, we did not lose by 12 this week while curling! Increasing our score infinitely from last week, in a sort of divide by 0 kind of thing, we lost 8-7. Or something, I stopped paying attention when it became apparent that we would not be getting free beer. I wonder if I could order butterbeer at the curling rink.
Spoiler: This cake is a lye!
 I had the thought this morning that we could solve a huge problem the geek world over by marketing nerdy bath products. Portal themed soaps, WoW shampoo, hobbit home care pedicure products… It’s an untapped market! Genius! I’d like the ladies section to have all the colours geek chic, because who doesn’t want nail polish in lightsaber green?

I’m Not Reading This, But I Wish I Was

By Roz Young, October 17 2011

            So, I find that I often purchase things for people that I think look interesting. And then I wish I’d bought a copy for myself. Because I have excellent taste. I’ve done this a few times lately so I’m going to post some links to things as a review of awesomeness to come. As in, I think these things are probably amazing, but I can’t really say for sure because I haven’t actually read them yet. Make sense? Gravy.
            http://cowboyninjaviking.blogspot.com/
This link is to the Cowboy Ninja Viking blog about a comic that I wish I was reading. I will go out and buy this. You might want to as well. This badass dude has multiple personalities, and he is ALL three things: cowboy (hells yes), ninja (amazaballs!) and Viking (/sexy). So… I’m sold. The art looks crazy cool and the copy I bought for someone else has been well received.

            http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/We3
Next, We3 is the comic series I almost bought and now have serious regrets about leaving behind. It looks intense, emotionally, and beautifully strange. Three animals, a dog, a cat and a rabbit, are turned into robotic soldiers and attempt to escape to find “home”. I was worried that they don’t all make it and wasn’t sure that I’m not a fragile girl who would just sit and cry constantly reading about adorable pets in pain. But, I think I’m missing out on something awesome. I’m going to put on my big girl Hello Kitty shirt and pick up the three issues.

 This book is a debut novel that I’m told will blow your socks off. I’m going to read it. When I finish reading all the other things I’m supposed to be reading but I’ve been very distracted.
            
In other news, I play Portal now. Portal is cool. It’s been a long time coming, but I’ve finally taken the plunge and now I have a problem. Also, I want cake. Understandably, I now must have the sequel. But first, I will bake (Is this game equally as addictive as sugar?). The internets are full of recipes for the Portal cake, which, I gather is a bit of spoiler for the game’s sequel so I’m avoiding actually reading too much. Here you go, if you want some cake that isn’t a lie.http://jedifreac.livejournal.com/714209.html

I Needed The Giggle

By Roz Young, October 6 2011

Oo, autocorrect wants that “The” to be lower case. Well, suck it Word, I’m leaving the title the way I wrote it. Do you ever get angry at autocorrect, because it’s so superior thinking it knows you are a passive sentence little bitch that always gets the wrong thier? Yeah, just try and change it, I’ll change it back, I’ll do it.
Ok, enough of that. I was actually feeling super crappy this week. Unrelated to my epic battle with the word processing feature that knows so much more about grammar than I do. No, I’ve been remembering that last October was bright, and sunny, and my dad died. Sucky. Right? Well, I got better. And I must thank my friends and family for all the kind words and silly messages or emails. You guys are da best.
What’s going on today? Well, we went for Vietnamese food because it’s delicious and we could. Today is cold in Edmonton, I’d like to say unseasonably cold, but I always think that means bland and tasteless rather than unusual, and I’m not really sure but both things are true. It’s gray and boring out there and won’t just give up and rain properly. So I had fried tofu on noodles and mmmmmmm. On our way back, I wrapped my sweater around my body and hugged myself tight and a “brrr” escaped. Matt started laughing at me. Apparently I sounded more like a “baby rainbow unicorn revving a toy tricycle” than a grown woman who has math to do and is avoiding calculations in excel by writing this blog. Also by making this picture because the idea made me laugh. And sometimes you need a giggle more than you need to figure out continuous stirred tank bioreactor stuff.

Shame, I have music shame

By Roz Young, September 30 2011

Matt and I spend a lot of time in my car. Not like that, don’t be gross. But in order to get places, we’re in my vehicle and I’m a radio gal. I like the local modern rock station, shout out Sonic 102.9. But I also like to browse the airwaves and flip stations. I have a short attention span. Matt is a budding hipster and can’t help himself. He brings music with him and likes to introduce me to bands I’ve never heard of and songs he knows I’ll like (they have horns or strange sounds or just generally kick ass… or the only lyrics are panda, panda, panda). So, Matt leaves CDs in my car and makes me mixes of awesome. He endures my penchant for le radio with only an occasional tantrum. Also, he likes classic rock that shows up on the radio every now and then.
Now, here is the secret shame I’m revealing to the internet. When Matt isn’t in the car, sometimes I listen to the bad stations. These are the stations that actually played Rebecca Black’s “Friday” and reduce your IQ logarithmically for every minute of listening. Yes, most of it is epic shite. Yes, they play Britney. Still. Yes, the lyrics are awful and the music is unoriginal and this stuff is so fucking catchy I can’t help myself. Mostly, I tune in only to switch stations within two pumping bass beats of crap, but there are two songs on the radio right now that I shamefully admit to liking. I’m sorry Matt. I’m so very sorry. I like “I’m Sexy and I Know It” by LMFAO and Nicki Minaj’s “Super Bass”. I feel dirty just saying it. I’ve posted links to the songs below. But, be warned. You might listen and then have this creeping feeling all over, as the notion that you actually enjoyed that crawls across your skin. They are fun and kind of weird and I don’t care that Matt is going to read this and shake his head.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wyx6JDQCslE&feature=aso

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JipHEz53sU
            To show Matt that I appreciate his attempt to culture me (as I’m clearly the musical equivalent of The Woman), here are two songs from a recent mix that I heart most enthusiastically. The first is Fiona Apple’s “Extraordinary Machine”. Lovely. The second song has rockin’ horn action, “Monkeys” by the Mad Caddies. Can’t I like all the songs?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6d3hMLewyU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7i40nlJqIbg

The World Confuses Me. And Matt Wants a Smartphone So Bad He’s Gone Completely Mad. Also, We Went To See Lovestorming And I Liked It.

This is just a general musings blog. I was babbling to Matt on the way back from the gym and I could tell his eyes were glossy and his mind had slipped back into a world where his cell phone provider acknowledged the crime against humanity regarding his contract and the fancy phone of his dreams so unfairly denied to him by recent twists of fate... and I decided to tell the internet about it instead. Check twitter or ask Matt if you want an update on the cell saga.
I’ve been watching the ladies at the gym and I’m concerned for us, my fairer gender compatriots. The girls and I are there to work out right? Some of us to burn a few calories and work the muscles that exist for survival, that don’t get used while shaking separatory funnels and writing papers on laptops, and other women are clearly there to engage in sport they take very seriously (go wrestling team, you ladies are looking lean and mean!). So... why so much time in front of the mirror on the way out of our change room? You look fantastic! You’re fit, you’re clean, you brushed your hair and put on a bit of make-up, you remembered pants... why primp?
Lots of these women must be on their way to class, and I guess times have changed. Didn’t we used to roll out of bed and stumble to our undergraduate classes in our pyjamas? That might have just been my friends and I. Living on campus makes you pretty lazy. They can’t all be business students or engineers with interviews. Curling irons and massive collections of cosmetics at 8 am, just to sit in lecture all day? I’m feeling exhausted just thinking about it.
Granted, I might show up on “What Not To Wear” someday, because apparently I’m too old to shop in the boys section at Walmart. But my friends support my silly t-shirts and comfy jeans and I’m probably just going to spill solvent on myself anyways. Hypocritically, I also occasionally fritter away useful minutes in front of the mirror, and get down about my chubby bum and lack of cute purses. But I want all the ladies to high five each other and relax. We look great. We need to be less judgmental and more supportive of our community of empowered, successful women.
Just to let my friends know, you are all gorgeous, beautiful ladies and I’m very proud of all that you’ve accomplished. The big things, like school and the careers and the houses, and the little things, like the recipes that were attempted and the books we’ve traded. Also, not to leave the guys out, I’m proud of you too. For growing up and maintaining your sense of self and adventure. Now I’m off to build a dinosaur out of lab boxes with Matt, Carmen, and our visiting scientist from Germany.
*UPDATE* The T. rex construction has failed. It turns out that the tip boxes Carmen goes through in boat loads are made of polypropylene. Interesting fact, that plastic is resistant to most solvents (we tried chloroform, dichloromethane, toluene, ether...). So we couldn’t easily melt the boxes together to build our giant dino. Also, you can melt them with a Bunsen burner, but it gets messy and I think the fumes have taken a few hours off of Matt’s total life span. We went for sushi instead. NOM!!
We also had time to see Lovestorming, a Spanish movie directed by Borja Cobeaga. It’s great, a fun, little romp with a wacky comedian trying to help a dejected friend get his girlfriend back. Canadians will appreciate the premise of the film, where a New Years Eve storm grounds all the flights at an airport and the characters are all stuck together in a hotel for the night. This includes Sergio, our adorable and timid hero, and his ex-girlfriend Bea. Sergio runs into an eclectic bunch of guys determined to rescue his relationship with Bea, by throwing a party (and distracting her new man, who’s suddenly no longer gay, Ernesto). Juan Carlitros is the awkward and hilarious funny man who bungles most of the evening, and predictably, saves the day with his earnest and heartfelt charm. You’ve heard this story before, but Lovestorming is a wonderful way to spend an evening with friends. Stick around for the jokes during the credits. Awesome.

DEDfest – You Had Me at Hell. Oh, and Anything With Simon Pegg.

By Roz Young

Well, this year has just flown by, hasn’t it? Flown by and crapped all over the place. It seems like just a few weeks ago that I was writing about our local horror movie festival, and here I am again, beguiling you with tales of blood, brains and boobs. Our local cinema aficionados, Kevin Martin (shameless plug The Lobby DVD Shop on Whyte) and Derek Clayton, pulled in some good stuff this year. It was not to be missed, despite the terrible turn of events that resulted in me losing Saturday to a hilariously good time on waterslides and a boozy BBQ with the ladies. That’s the kind of bachelorette party I can get behind.
But enough about the impending nuptials, what about the thrills and chills of DEDfest 2011? Well, Thursday began with Trollhunter. And it was awesome!! From the moment the hero runs out of the woods and yells “TROOOLLLL!!!” into the faces of some unsuspecting, sexy teens and their documentary crew, I was sold. You should see this movie. It’s like going to Norway and checking out the scenic sights, and finding out that there is a government conspiracy trying to cover up the existence of some dangerous and mythical wildlife.
We also watched Simon Pegg and Andy Serkis slaughter some villagers for profit in Burke and Hare. Directed by John Landis, it’s a great comedic horror movie with a different angle - some of these events are actually true! Which is part of the fun, learning about 1820s London and the high demand for cadavers for public dissection. After you’ve watched this movie, spend a little time on Wikipedia learning about the actual Burke and Hare, who killed whole bunch of people before being busted by the fuzz. (Matt and I watched Paul again this weekend, and I just cannot explain how much I love those guys… Nick and Simon are our heroes *sniff*)

Friday, arguably our least favourite day of DEDfest, began with Monster Brawl. The idea is UFC with classic horror villains. Frankenstein, a werewolf, a vampire, the mummy and zombies are all duking it out for the Monster title belt. Awesome in concept, but in execution, the movie got a bit old and repetitive. I think with commercials in between it might have broken up the versus action a bit. Good cast. If you like fake wrestling or UFC at all, and I know you like monsters, then check it out. Otherwise, you might just fall asleep. Like Matt.
Next we watched Chromeskull: Laid to Rest and I’m not sure what to say about this movie. First of all, it’s a sequel, but you don’t really need to see the first one to be able to follow the umm, plot. Sure, that’s what we’ll call it. Kind of slow, there are stupid cops all over this movie, a device which is really starting to piss us off. Matt and I are going to make a movie where the police are badass and clever. Good gore, this is the kind of movie I watch from the internet while I’m eating pizza and hanging out with the boys. Not enough boobs though.
Our Friday night throw back for nostalgic shits and giggles was Escape From New York. Awesome. However, late on a Friday, even young, sexy Kurt isn’t enough to keep me awake through a whole movie and I’m ashamed to say I nodded off. Maybe I’m getting too old for this. Challenge accepted! And challenge failed, because we just had a Mel Brooks movie marathon with Allan and I feel asleep half way through Spaceballs, the third movie, and I think I watched ten minutes of Blazing Saddles. What is happening to me!?! I need to start napping during the day.
Ok, Saturday, the day of amazingness that I didn’t make it out for. I got texts from the boys telling me that nothing the waterpark had to offer could possibly be more awesome thanSuper. Fair enough. As such, I recommend that other people cancel their plans, no matter what they are doing, and see this film. I have it on good authority that Super is THAT mind blowingly fantastic. The gentlemen demonstrated for me how much the back of their skulls exploded bits of gooey grey matter and bone debris, and I have to say I’m impressed. Matt has purchased the movie and as soon as it arrives, I’m supposed to sit my ass down and experience the awesome. Will do, boss.

They also watched Karate Robo Zaborgar, which was supposed to be Yakuza Weapon. I guess if those titles appeal to you, check it out. I haven’t seen either movie and the boys didn’t jump up and down to tell me about Karate, so… I’m assuming it’s only ok. They did get excited about Millennium Bug, which I also have to watch. Exciting trivia, one of the actors fromMillennium Bug was up from L.A. for DEDfest and Matt bought a shirt and copy of the movie. Yay! Those guys are all about creature and gore effects using make-up and actual fake blood, instead of doing everything digitally. High five! Filmmakers after our own hearts.
The next movie, Chillerama, was highly praised by the boys. Now, from the discussions that started from this movie, I gather that it’s a bit dirty. So, you have been warned. It’s apparently hilarious. Enjoy. They also watched the originalFright Night, which I’d love to see. Alas, next time.
Sunday began with Deadball and then Bangkok Knockout. Both were a lot of fun and I recommend Deadball for people who like crazy, strange and funny Japanese stuff, and Knockout for people who want an action movie that will blow their minds. It’s seriously crazy shit. With a story! I saw stunts that I’ve never seen before and they were incredible. With motorcycles! In cages! Beneath moving vehicles! Just awesome.
Our horror movie for Sunday was Saint (or Sint), another experience of immersion in a northern European culture where there are storied and legends I don’t know much about. Sure, I know who Santa Claus is, but I’m just not familiar with the myths, sort of like my apparently poor knowledge of troll lore. Anyhoo, every 30 or something odd years (the subtitle translator wasn’t quite sure and the dates kept changing), Santa returns on a cold December night to collect children and slaughters people all over Amsterdam. It was pretty good. Santa can be a scary dude, all burned and gross. I like the scene with the kids in the hospital, where they are all excited it’s Santa coming to give them presents… and then, well, he shows up on an undead horse to steal them away to his scorched and evil ship. Merry Christmas kiddies!

The Woman was this year’s controversial film, the movie that shocked audiences around the world. And, meh. We’ve discussed this before, but either Matt and I have become desensitized to crazy violence and weirdness, or some films are just not as disturbing as reviews make them out to be. Certainly, The Woman is a strange movie with grotesque family dynamics and torture, rape, abuse… But I didn’t want to storm out or vomit. I think the idea of domesticating a person, and the acknowledgement of family violence and abuse against women, was cleverly explored. It had a humorous side, and was a slick looking movie. Our group had lots to talk about after The Woman, and even though it is largely about abuse and violence against women, I liked the ending. I won’t say any spoilers, but I think you can handle it. If you’re curious, check it out, because it’s not going to leave you wishing you hadn’t bought popcorn (likeHuman Centipede or Neighbor) or sliding down into your seat in awkward discomfort (Anti-Christ).
In other news, OUR trailer played during DEDfest and it was amazing. AMAZING!! I’ve never had the chance to see my own creation in a venue with a real audience before. Usually we post things online and wait impatiently for people to leave comments or send us emails. This time, we were in the room while people laughed and cheered for us. I’m so proud, Matt, so proud. Thanks to our friends, who participated or supported us, and everyone who has left comments in the facebook group or been to check it out on youtube. You guys are the best!

Three Things of True Beauty

By Matt Baker

Sometimes I buy stuff to make myself feel better, if only temporarily.  I’ll admit it.  It may not be the most sensible thing to do, but I think everyone can identify with the thrill of a new purchase, and the bigger the purchase the bigger the thrill. Then that all normally comes crashing down as soon as you have an unexpected expense.  But in the meantime it is pretty sweet.  Alas that money is not infinite and I normally need to use small things like used games and silly t-shirts to give myself a boost.  But if that were not the case I think I’d go on a guitar buying spree.

There is very little that can match the beauty of a finely crafted guitar, to me, and I frequently dream about the kind of guitars I will one day own.  It may seem silly to buy more than one guitar, but all of the different styles have their own feel and sound, in addition to their physical aesthetics.  With that in mind I want to share a few of my favourites.  These are the three guitars I would one day love to have, in the order in which I would buy them.


Gibson 1959 Les Paul Standard

This is my all-time favourite guitar. Obviously I would be getting a reissue, not an actual 1959 Les Paul (a quick google search suggested their value is in the $240,000-420,000 range), but for my money nothing can beat the beefy tone of the dual humbuckers and the awesome sustain of the Les Paul.  And just look at the finish on that baby.  The see-through sunburst accentuates the archtop curves in a way that makes me tingle all over, like the curves of a beautiful woman.  How I long to caress your sweet neck and rest my hand across your waist...


Fender 1952 Telecaster

The Strat may garner most of the attention, but IMHO the Telecaster is where Fender truly shines.  The bridge pickup gives a clean, bright sound perfect for some country style rockin’, while the neck pickup gives a mellower bluesy tone for when your woman done you wrong.  The Tele is available in many colours and finishes, but I just love the classic yellow stain and black pick guard.  This is the sexy girl-next-door of guitars. I will totally be naming mine Mary Anne.


Gretsch Hollow body

These hollow body electrics are famous for their use in rockabilly and jazz.  Because they are hollow they have a fuller and richer sound than the solid bodies above and can be played unplugged, but can be prone to feedback when amped.  This gorgeous and voluptuous lady is just as at home on a quiet evening with friends as she is out at the bar.  She may have some meat on her bones, but she is fit as a fiddle and sexy as hell.

I don't even....

By Matt Baker
Sometimes you just have to write a blog.  You may not even know what it is going to be about, you may not even be looking at the keyboard while you’re writing it or even thinking about what the next sentence is going to be, you just have to write something.

I really like cereal.  I don’t eat it very often, but when I do it is with great gusto and copious sugar.  Because sugar really makes things better.  Did you have a bad day? Have some sugar.  Coffee too strong? Have some sugar. Medicine hard to take? Have some sugar. Love life getting boring? People say “add some spice” but trust me, licking hot sauce off of someone’s naked body is not nearly as much fun as licking chocolate sauce off.  Nobody wants your salty lovin’, they want your sweet lovin’.  When Bruce Campbell wants some female attention, it’s not herbs he demands, baby.  So, in conclusion, sugar is awesome. Unless you are a diabetic. Which I might soon be at the rate I consume sugar.

But in the meantime, burrowing owls are freakin’ awesome.  I mean, all owls are cool, but there is something about burrowing owls that tickles my funny bone, no matter what they are doing.  I could be looking at a video of a burrowing owl ripping the guts out of a small mammal and be all “burrowing owl, you so hilarious”. I think it is the extra long legs.

I really need to get some better ideas for blogs, because I don’t think I can do this again.  I’m the one writing it and even I’m only vaguely entertained by the very act of writing it. I apologize to everyone who actually sat through this. My brain is just really preoccupied with work/school and potential videos for the sketch comedy web series we have in the works. Which really makes it sound a lot slicker than it is going to be.  That said, we learned an awful lot during the making of our most recent project, a fake trailer for our website namesake “Space Babes From Planet V and the Zombie Squirrels of Doom”.  Mostly what we learned was that the less we are in front of the camera the better, unless what we’re filming is supposed to be comedic – we are ok at that. So our sketch comedy should work out fine. Stay tuned.

My Most Favouritest Memes

By Roz Young




The internet is a magical place. A place where kittens can has pieces of milk products crammed between delicious carbs with homogenized cow, and where there are always two rainbows that have somehow transformed a PopTart into a pixelated cat. It makes me very happy. Almost as much as morning coffee with lots of milk and sugar. Almost. (PS Coffee with dessert makes me even happier, but that often happens at night, and then I can’t sleep, and when I do, I get teh terrors and there’s some creepy old man with an espresso telling me that he doesn’t often have caffeine before bed, but when he does, he dreams about zombies...)
If you spend any time on the internet at all, correct that, you spend time on the internet. So, you are familiar with the art of trolling. The “people” of the internet are capable of producing vast amounts of useless shite that even I don’t find hilarious and I still like fart jokes. But, every now and then, you stumble across a moment of such brilliant, transcending insight that you spit milk out your nose and a little bit of pee escapes between gasps for air. Here... I’ll show you.

See! Hilarious! And then, it gets adopted by the sweet sweet brain behind Hijinks Ensue (http://hijinksensue.com/) and we have a great time wasting the afternoon away tweeting Monty Python mixed with LoTR. Lots of things on the internet, for apparently no particular reason at all, get absorbed by the borg collective that we are, and go viral. They become memes. We change them, caption them, co-mix them, and they are released back to the internet to be trolled by others. The meme is a strange and fantastic phenomenon you can read more about at www.knowyourmeme.com.
But I have favourites. Like my cats, one I would save from a fire and the other one, well, he can probably figure it out on his own. God speed little buddy. In order to share them with you, I must first spend hours deciding who I love the most, and rank them. Because the internet is about wasting time and arguing. And kitties.
5. Business Cat

This little black fluff muffin was innocently staring off into space, probably trying to decide if it was a spider over there or a piece of string, when he was snapped in a glazed state to be forever immortalized in a collar and tie. As Business Cat, the inefficient and hilarious feline of the office cubicle farm, this kitteh has stolen my heart. And my stapler.
I would like to add that all animals dressed as people are precious to me. You might also be lucky enough to have recently spotted the rare and fuzztastic Chemistry Cat circling the internets. I loves me some crazy poofy cats, and that guy has epic fur. Also, it’s combined with nerdy science jokes! It’s like peanut butter and chocolate, you can’t go wrong. Check out his adorable little HP glasses and bow tie. Bow ties are cool.

4. Cereal Guy

Now, cereal guy is a meme that mimics what I do while trolling the internet. I see things that shock me. And then I spew little nuggets of sugary tasty all over my laptop. This particular example of cereal guy points out one the best examples of boys who grow up to be unsuspecting, awesome hotties. Neville transforms throughout the Harry Potter books, becoming a pretty kick ass dude. It’s one of the best plots eber and I’m so sad it doesn’t get due justice in the films. Neville should have his own movies, someone should get on that.
3. Hipsterized!

You can put hipster glasses on pretty much anything, cleverly caption it, and I will laugh. Something about making fun of le hipsters is hilarious to me. I think it’s because they take themselves so seriously they don’t even know they’re hipsters until it’s too late. PS Matt has pre-hipsteritis. There are symptoms, like his music and film snobbery, that get out of hand sometimes. If he buys skinny jeans and a sassy scarf, I’m going to need an intervention. I particularly like the hipsterized Disney ladies. Probably because I’m a sucker for all things animated princess with musical numbers, and teh Little Mermaid is my favourite. Hipster kitty is also around, but you probably haven’t seen him.

2. Success Kid

This baby is a way better actor than me. I also think he kind of looks like Patton Oswalt... anybody? I love that guy. Oh, right, memes. What I like about success baby is being able to use this meme in my everyday life when things go awesome for me. It’s like “That’s What She Said” and is applicable all the time. Even when Matt doesn’t think so. Especially when Matt doesn’t think so. I offer this meme to you, my friends, so that the next time you order a small latte and they make you a large by accident and don’t charge extra, you can make a fist and press your lips together in a salute to the universe. This is a way to high five yourself when the little things in your life go right. Because the big things are probably all falling apart and suck completely and they can kiss my ass. But I dropped my pen on the floor, and when I went down to get it, I found a dollar. In your face, bitches.

1. X ALL the Y!
First, go to this website and read this blog.
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/06/this-is-why-ill-never-be-adult.html
Ok, now kill the remainder of your work day reading the rest of Allie’s website. Read about Alots, they are fascinating creatures. Websites like this remind me that I’m not alone. There are people out there that aren’t normal. They have something wrong with the bits of the noodling part of their brains and it’s folded in a shape like a unicorn or a sword instead of a complicated, surface area increasing spirally pattern that exists to make it hard for people to draw what brains look like. My people, if we had better social skills we could be together, instead, we have the internet and avatars.
Ok, X all the Y. The blog was originally about becoming an adult and getting inspired to “Clean All the Things”, and then of course, later losing the energy to be growed up and responsibible, sad panda face. I love the manic, arms in the air with abandon, first panel. But, I appreciate the hilarious use of the pathetic questioning second panel when appropriate. I will provide examples, but let’s all enjoy Allie’s original first.


HAHA!! Awesome. I recently used an X all the Y to get some laughs on a friend’s facebook page. A little paint action, and voila, you have your own version for the occasion. The internets have done great things with this meme and I hope it keeps going. I certainly don’t feel like slowing down anytime soon. Now, you can just change the text to X all the whatever you feel like, or you can modify the whole image. It’s about to get silly, hold on to your chapeau.


And for the Star Wars fans...

If you haven’t already heard, Matt and I are making “Space Babes from Planet V and the Zombie Squirrels of Doom” into a fake trailer. This has been a real learning experience. Like, Roz is an idiot and stands in the way of shots a lot. Also, when you aim a bucket of fake blood, it’s really hard to hit someone in the face with the splash from a few meters away. Matt made a mini-movie of some of my fails for everyone in our Squirrels of Doom facebook group to enjoy. He also made an X all the Y for my “Ruin ALL the Takes!”, and we all had a good laugh at my expense. You should check it out. In the meantime, waste ALL your time!