Three Things of True Beauty

By Matt Baker

Sometimes I buy stuff to make myself feel better, if only temporarily.  I’ll admit it.  It may not be the most sensible thing to do, but I think everyone can identify with the thrill of a new purchase, and the bigger the purchase the bigger the thrill. Then that all normally comes crashing down as soon as you have an unexpected expense.  But in the meantime it is pretty sweet.  Alas that money is not infinite and I normally need to use small things like used games and silly t-shirts to give myself a boost.  But if that were not the case I think I’d go on a guitar buying spree.

There is very little that can match the beauty of a finely crafted guitar, to me, and I frequently dream about the kind of guitars I will one day own.  It may seem silly to buy more than one guitar, but all of the different styles have their own feel and sound, in addition to their physical aesthetics.  With that in mind I want to share a few of my favourites.  These are the three guitars I would one day love to have, in the order in which I would buy them.


Gibson 1959 Les Paul Standard

This is my all-time favourite guitar. Obviously I would be getting a reissue, not an actual 1959 Les Paul (a quick google search suggested their value is in the $240,000-420,000 range), but for my money nothing can beat the beefy tone of the dual humbuckers and the awesome sustain of the Les Paul.  And just look at the finish on that baby.  The see-through sunburst accentuates the archtop curves in a way that makes me tingle all over, like the curves of a beautiful woman.  How I long to caress your sweet neck and rest my hand across your waist...


Fender 1952 Telecaster

The Strat may garner most of the attention, but IMHO the Telecaster is where Fender truly shines.  The bridge pickup gives a clean, bright sound perfect for some country style rockin’, while the neck pickup gives a mellower bluesy tone for when your woman done you wrong.  The Tele is available in many colours and finishes, but I just love the classic yellow stain and black pick guard.  This is the sexy girl-next-door of guitars. I will totally be naming mine Mary Anne.


Gretsch Hollow body

These hollow body electrics are famous for their use in rockabilly and jazz.  Because they are hollow they have a fuller and richer sound than the solid bodies above and can be played unplugged, but can be prone to feedback when amped.  This gorgeous and voluptuous lady is just as at home on a quiet evening with friends as she is out at the bar.  She may have some meat on her bones, but she is fit as a fiddle and sexy as hell.