Originally posted at www.squirrelsofdoom.com August 19, 2010
By Matt Baker and Roz Young
Recently we saw Inception and, for those of you who have not seen it, there is a scene in which Joseph Gordon Levitt wears a suit vest. And over the soundtrack an audible sigh was heard as all the ladies in the audience swooned. Apparently the secret to being a lady killer is to wear a suit with a vest (well, at least it will work for Roz). I will have to find out if this works for my wife as well, then off to Tip Top! (Come to think of it, she was very insistent that I wear a vest with my tux at our wedding…). So anyway, in honour of that moment, we have worked long and hard (and I had to wipe up a puddle of Roz drool) to present you with our list of The Best Use of Vests in the Cinematic Medium.
Joseph Gordon Levitt – Inception (2010)
Since it is in no particular order, we might as well kick off the list with JGL. Unfortunately we could not find a good picture of him in the swoon-inducing action vest, but his character wears a vest for most of the movie, so this will have to do. I think what I like best about JGL is that he manages to pull off the handsome and dashing vest look while simultaneously still looking kind of dorky. It really reinforces the whole “geeks with vests can be total mac daddies” theory.
Gina Torres – Serentity (2005)
We had a slight disagreement about this one – I’m not entirely convinced this counts as a vest and Roz insists it does. In the end I caved for three reasons: 1) It is over her shirt and so can be argued that it is not a shirt itself. 2) Roz is a girl and therefore knows more about these things than I do. 3) Zoe is awesome and Firefly is awesome, so who am I to stop them being featured in any lists of ours? Shame on me.
Since it is in no particular order, we might as well kick off the list with JGL. Unfortunately we could not find a good picture of him in the swoon-inducing action vest, but his character wears a vest for most of the movie, so this will have to do. I think what I like best about JGL is that he manages to pull off the handsome and dashing vest look while simultaneously still looking kind of dorky. It really reinforces the whole “geeks with vests can be total mac daddies” theory.
Gina Torres – Serentity (2005)
We had a slight disagreement about this one – I’m not entirely convinced this counts as a vest and Roz insists it does. In the end I caved for three reasons: 1) It is over her shirt and so can be argued that it is not a shirt itself. 2) Roz is a girl and therefore knows more about these things than I do. 3) Zoe is awesome and Firefly is awesome, so who am I to stop them being featured in any lists of ours? Shame on me.
Harrison Ford – Star Wars (1977)
Do I really need to explain this? All I can say is that is totally the vest of a dude who shoots first.
Do I really need to explain this? All I can say is that is totally the vest of a dude who shoots first.
Clint Eastwood – The Good, The Bad and The Ugly (1966)
Also the vest of a dude who totally shoots first, I would argue that Mr. Eastwood’s vest is even more badass than that of Han Solo. After all, space is notoriously cold, so the extra layers make sense, but a sheepskin vest over a long sleeve shirt, under a wool poncho in the middle of a fucking desert? Only the toughest (and probably smelliest) of all men could pull that off. Even Chuck Norris would be uncomfortable in that situation (although, to be fair, his vest would be made from the skins of his enemies).
Also the vest of a dude who totally shoots first, I would argue that Mr. Eastwood’s vest is even more badass than that of Han Solo. After all, space is notoriously cold, so the extra layers make sense, but a sheepskin vest over a long sleeve shirt, under a wool poncho in the middle of a fucking desert? Only the toughest (and probably smelliest) of all men could pull that off. Even Chuck Norris would be uncomfortable in that situation (although, to be fair, his vest would be made from the skins of his enemies).
Heath Ledger – The Dark Knight (2008)
Is it odd that the most colourful vest on this list also belongs to the most seriously fucked up character? Also, is it wrong for even the Joker to be kind of hot in that vest?
Is it odd that the most colourful vest on this list also belongs to the most seriously fucked up character? Also, is it wrong for even the Joker to be kind of hot in that vest?
Clint Eastwood – Any Dirty Harry movie
Apparently Clint Eastwood is the King of Badass Vests. I mean, how do you look menacing in a sweater vest (to say nothing of the plaid jacket)? The .44 magnum probably helps, but I think it is the Steely Eyes of Certain Doom.
Apparently Clint Eastwood is the King of Badass Vests. I mean, how do you look menacing in a sweater vest (to say nothing of the plaid jacket)? The .44 magnum probably helps, but I think it is the Steely Eyes of Certain Doom.
Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise – Interview With The Vampire (1994)
Period pieces are often chock-a-block with vests, so normally we would not count them, but I think when said vests are sported by scythe-wielding vampires they cross in to the realm of awesome. What better way to convince a woman to let you suck blood from her naked breast than to ask whilst wearing a dashing floral print silk vest?
Period pieces are often chock-a-block with vests, so normally we would not count them, but I think when said vests are sported by scythe-wielding vampires they cross in to the realm of awesome. What better way to convince a woman to let you suck blood from her naked breast than to ask whilst wearing a dashing floral print silk vest?
Dianne Keaton – Annie Hall (1977)
1977 was a good year for vests, teaching us that, from roguish and dashing to awkward and adorable, everyone can rock a vest. In fact, people were so blown away by the sheer vesty awesomeness that Annie Hall actually sparked a brief fashion craze! Who says the general public is stupid?
1977 was a good year for vests, teaching us that, from roguish and dashing to awkward and adorable, everyone can rock a vest. In fact, people were so blown away by the sheer vesty awesomeness that Annie Hall actually sparked a brief fashion craze! Who says the general public is stupid?
Abu – Aladdin (1992)
Ok, I was wrong, this is probably the most colourful vest. Whatever. Monkey in a vest! SQUEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! He thinks he’s people. Sooooo cute.
Ok, I was wrong, this is probably the most colourful vest. Whatever. Monkey in a vest! SQUEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! He thinks he’s people. Sooooo cute.
Liza Minnelli – Cabaret (1972)
It is weird for me to think that there was ever a time when Liza was not a kind of crazy, past her prime, middle aged actress, but damn that is a good use of a vest. Oh, those crazy Nazis and their clubs, so many shenanigans.
It is weird for me to think that there was ever a time when Liza was not a kind of crazy, past her prime, middle aged actress, but damn that is a good use of a vest. Oh, those crazy Nazis and their clubs, so many shenanigans.
Christopher Mintz-Plasse – Superbad (2007)
Ok, so not all vests have the power to turn a geek in to the ultimate Ladies Man. Some vests are actually kind of hideous, but even they have their place in the cinema. Need someone to be the butt of a joke? Stick them in an ill-fitting brown corduroy vest. Hilarity ensues.
Ok, so not all vests have the power to turn a geek in to the ultimate Ladies Man. Some vests are actually kind of hideous, but even they have their place in the cinema. Need someone to be the butt of a joke? Stick them in an ill-fitting brown corduroy vest. Hilarity ensues.
Matthew Broderick – Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986)
Yet another hideous vest. Except I think this was supposed to be cool at the time. You 1980s teenagers were seriously messed in the head. Other than that I don’t have much to say about this. I’ve never actually seen this movie (yes, yes, get over your shock). At this point I’m kind of proud of that fact and actively trying to avoid it.
Yet another hideous vest. Except I think this was supposed to be cool at the time. You 1980s teenagers were seriously messed in the head. Other than that I don’t have much to say about this. I’ve never actually seen this movie (yes, yes, get over your shock). At this point I’m kind of proud of that fact and actively trying to avoid it.
Tim Curry – Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)
He’s just a sweet transvestite…. Nuff said.
He’s just a sweet transvestite…. Nuff said.
Honourable Mention:
Mr. Burns – The Simpsons
This is quite possibly my favourite use of a vest ever, but alas this is a list of vests in cinema, not television. I still remember all the words to this song. Personally, I think a poodle beret is the height of fashion. Stupid poodles.
This is quite possibly my favourite use of a vest ever, but alas this is a list of vests in cinema, not television. I still remember all the words to this song. Personally, I think a poodle beret is the height of fashion. Stupid poodles.
Simon Baker – The Mentalist
Another case of excellent vest usage relegated to the obscurity of honourable mentions due to the crime of being from a tv show. I’m not sure this character is ever seen not wearing a vest. This vest gives me confusing down-there feelings.
Another case of excellent vest usage relegated to the obscurity of honourable mentions due to the crime of being from a tv show. I’m not sure this character is ever seen not wearing a vest. This vest gives me confusing down-there feelings.
Brad Pitt – Inglourious Basterds (2009)
Why is this awesome dude in a sweater vest way down here in the honourable mentions? Well, it is only one scene and we didn’t even remember it until we stumbled across this picture. Sweet, though.
Why is this awesome dude in a sweater vest way down here in the honourable mentions? Well, it is only one scene and we didn’t even remember it until we stumbled across this picture. Sweet, though.
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